


Colors

by cottoncandyhurricanes



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Depression, Existential Crisis, Hints at 2012, Insecure Dan, Insecure Phil, M/M, Soppy shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-21
Updated: 2016-02-21
Packaged: 2018-05-22 10:05:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6075180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cottoncandyhurricanes/pseuds/cottoncandyhurricanes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan always expected Phil to take off his AmazingPhil persona when the camera was off. He always did. It wasn't that Phil became a completely different persona off camera; the shorter man was never naggingly cruel or mean off camera. Never. But he was a lot calmer. A lot less hyper, and a lot more dreamy. Always off in his own world, but close enough so that he'd return whenever Dan called for him. But the past few days, Dan has never seen the man take off his persona.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Colors

It's quite sudden when Phil's laughs become forced, his smiles half-genuine.

When he's happy, his eyes are a vibrant blue, energetic and adorably joyful. When he's sad, they're a clear, crystal emerald, as if he's staring into the depths of a pretty cenote that he found in Columbia on a trip with his family. But the eyes he gazes into during breakfast, aren't bright blue or emerald. They're a muted blue, just enough to pass off as grey. Just like a rainy day back in Wokingham.  
Dan always expected Phil to take off his AmazingPhil persona when the camera was off. He always did. It wasn't that Phil became a completely different persona off camera; the shorter man was never naggingly cruel or mean off camera. Never. But he was a lot calmer. A lot less hyper, and a lot more dreamy. Always off in his own world, but close enough so that he'd return whenever Dan called for him. But the past few days, Dan has never seen the man take off his persona. The happy, innocent, sociable AmazingPhil has never given the light of day to calm, intelligent, introverted Phil Lester for nearly a week now, and Dan is quickly becoming worried.  
It's nothing new to him. After all, they all have days like these. Every youtuber, and every celebrity tend to become stuck in their shells sometimes. Dan knows fully well, having spent a whole year locked in the sarcastic, witty danisnotonfire for nearly the whole year in 2012. So for a day or two, he lets it happen. He helps Phil record a score of videos, all ready to be edited and uploaded later. Phil doesn't edit when he's AmazingPhil; his edits become "low-quality, overly sarcastic, and generally inappropriate" according to the man himself.  
Dan takes care of the games videos that they edit, and leaves other tasks for Phil to do around the house. AmazingPhil goes away quicker once Phil becomes tired enough, and the best way for that is simple labor, which makes him overthink at one point. So he runs the washing machine and drier, but leaves it for the older man to unload and fold. He cooks meals for the two of them and leaves the dirty dishes in the sink for Phil to wash.   
It's been two weeks, and the green in his eyes are yet to appear. This is when Dan, who has been routinely alternating between danisnotonfire and Dan, begins to worry. Danisnotonfire spends his time staring at Phil a lot more when they film videos and plan for the world tour. Dan spends hours upon hours cuddling Phil, whispering assurances into his ear.  
If Phil isn't getting out of this, then it has to mean that something is wrong. Phil's lost in there somewhere, struggling with his self doubt, terrified that he'll be left alone. Otherwise, there's literally no reason for Phil to not come back to him. to be fair, it's usually Dan's fault whenever Phil doesn't come back. A really bad fight for a stupid reason. Days and days of Dan going off to film collabs with other youtubers, leaving a half-awake, terrified Phil waiting for him to return at 3 in the morning. But Dan... Dan hasn't done anything wrong, has he? He hasn't done anything that would've led to this. So the rest of the time, when danisnotonfire is not filming videos and Dan isn't begging for Phil to come back, Dan thinks about everything he's done remotely wrong over the past few weeks, and works himself into an existential crisis.   
That day, Dan leads Phil to bed early, hugging him extra tight and begging Phil to come back to him in a hushed whisper. If Phil feels Dan's tears against his cheek, he voices no reply.  
By the next morning, Dan is seriously fearing the implications of Phil's behavior. What if Phil actually never comes out of this for a long time?

What if Phil actually never comes out of this for a long time?  
What if Dan would never be able to reach Phil for months?  
Thinking about it sends a rush of sadness into the younger, as he recalls the events from 4 years ago.

If after 2 weeks Dan feels like this, then what would have Phil felt, unable to reach Dan for more than a year despite sharing almost every moment with him? To have a loving boyfriend for nearly two years, only to lose him over days to so many _insignificant_ piano instructors and newbie youtubers?

Mind whirling with emotions, Dan abandoned the laundry he had been doing, and simply went to bed. Surely a nap would help clear things up.  
When he wakes up several hours later, it’s to the sound of a familiar tune, the one he’s listened to so many days in 2009, 2011 and every year apart from 2012. The one song that always made him smile, always reminded him of the man who was hurting him so right now. Blearily, he stumbles into the living room, to be greeted by Phil, hair damp with rosy cheeks from a shower, as Interrupted by Fireworks plays in the background. He opens his arms, and Dan runs, enveloping him into a bone crushing hug.  
“Welcome back.” He whispers.

**Author's Note:**

> May potentially become a collection of Phan drabbles. Did you like this one? Because I have a lot more stored away everywhere.  
> Edited April 8th, 2016


End file.
